Feeling tired of politics and overlooked?

Reflections on my 9-year design career

A lot has unfolded over the last three years. I worked on a project I loved and bonded closely with the engineering team, but organizational priorities abruptly changed. People left, I moved to another project, then switched organizations internally, returned, got promoted, but faced constant churn. Often, I feel like I’m going in circles at work, second-guessing myself and feeling lost and unappreciated. Even though I was promoted last year and was grateful to be unaffected by layoffs, I now feel somewhat adrift, wondering where my career is headed.

Feeling drained by unnecessary politics

There’s a constant struggle between feeling insecure and self-doubting versus standing up for myself and what I believe is right. Over time, I’ve been learning to balance expressing my thoughts without taking things personally and knowing when to let go. Politics isn’t inherently negative; it’s about navigating conflicting interests, seeking win-win outcomes, influencing decisions, and being assertive without being confrontational.

But let’s face it, it gets frustrating when:

1. Lack of clear vision and values leads to power struggles and unhealthy competition.
2. Higher-ups use their rank to force agreement on decisions made.
3. Decisions are made behind closed doors, without input from relevant stakeholders.
4. Teams fail to see other perspectives, leaving me feeling unheard and sidelined. For example, after aligning on a direction with another team, they changed the course behind closed doors, leaving little room for further discussion.
5. Resistance to change, competing priorities, and leaders not prioritizing collaborative behavior can lead to a lack of coordination and support. Teams might claim they don’t work in silos and want to collaborate, but in reality, they often don’t follow through.
6. We’ve witnessed many women advocating for women in tech, encouraging them to speak up on platforms like LinkedIn, Medium. YouTube, and others. However, this encouragement does not justify being argumentative or dominating conversations to push personal agendas. Effective communication skills are important for influencing and aligning with others, but it’s equally important to remain open-minded and consider diverse perspectives. Without this openness, advocacy can be perceived as a power play rather than fostering genuine collaboration.

Recognizing my limited ability to change the prevailing culture and dynamics, I’ve come to understand that navigating this environment requires a rational stance when confronted with challenges. Here’s my approach:

• Identify my motivation. I reflect on whether my motivation for standing my ground comes from protecting my ego or genuinely addressing the issue at hand.
• Assess significance. I evaluate the issue’s broader impact. Is it a minor disagreement or does it have substantial consequences? I identify non-negotiable issues that must be addressed.
• Openness to perspectives. I question whether I’m willing to listen and consider alternatives, or if I’m rigidly adhering to my own perspective.

While I’ve been questioning whether my ego drives my reactions in conflicts, I’ve learned over the years that distinguishing between standing my ground and succumbing to ego is nuanced. Frequently, both ego and genuine issues are involved, making it more challenging to navigate. This is especially true in cultures where designers constantly need to educate and convince others of the value of design — a common situation that adds to the difficulty.

One realization I’ve had is the importance of not becoming numb to a toxic environment. As habitual and adaptable creatures, we can become accustomed to negativity over time, leading to feelings of helplessness and frustration. Recognizing when it’s time to leave is crucial. However, when I need to survive and figure out the nuances in such situations, I focus on the following:

• Separate the issues. List out the specific aspects of the situation that are tied to my ego and those that are tied to genuine concerns.
• Assess impact. Determine if addressing the issue is crucial for the greater good or if it mainly serves personal validation.
• Focus on facts and outcomes. Ground my arguments in facts and evidence rather than emotions or personal pride.
• Consider compromise. Look for solutions that address the genuine issues while minimizing ego involvement. Be open to compromise and finding middle ground that satisfies both my needs and the broader interests.

Finding meaning in my work?

With the rise of AI-powered mockup tools, I assume more and more people feel empowered to design experiences, as if assembling LEGO bricks. However, creating designs that truly work and scale is challenging. As a product designer, whether working with clients or in large corporations, for a while, I found myself constantly advocating for the value of design, and fighting for a voice when working as a generalist among highly-specialized business professionals, engineers and other stakeholders. This uphill battle became a draining cycle of work, overwork, justification, and ultimately, feelings of being undervalued and drained. In addition, when working on projects that aren’t aligned with my personal interests or fail to provide the right challenge, these feelings of meaninglessness only intensify. It becomes a struggle to find purpose in the work I’m doing, and the sense of fulfillment dwindles.

Maybe it’s natural to occasionally feel like what I’m doing lacks meaning. The feelings of contentment, happiness, and usefulness only paint part of the picture — the “good days”. During periods of low motivation and discouragement, I need to learn to not to weigh myself down with the expectation of constantly experiencing these “good days”. This also means avoiding the pressure of an instant portfolio overhaul and instead focusing on regular updates and progress, rather than striving for perfection overnight.

I’ve found that genuine interest can make challenges more manageable. In my ideal scenario, I’d work on a product that resonates with my values or personal interests. However, opportunities like these aren’t always immediate or easy to come by. Many of us are drawn to designing innovative experiences that shape new standards of interaction, such as VR, voice interfaces, or emerging technologies. This sense of exploration drives our excitement and inspires products with the potential to revolutionize industries. Unlike many design roles that primarily involve iterating on existing products, refining designs, or recreating a product based on previous iterations, I’m also interested in these cutting-edge projects. In reality, while I continue to work on enterprise products and iterate dashboards, I believe that quickly adapting to new scenarios, platforms, and business markets is crucial. Core design skills remain essential, and I assume critically examining and adapting existing assumptions to new contexts is even more important.